I lost money, but I’m okay with that.

I spent last night playing poker. I did not do well, financially, but the big blind was fifty cents so I didn’t lose a whole lot. I actually had myself ahead for about an hour in the middle there but then started really getting dumb with the mistakes and tanked quickly afterward.

I will never play “for real” in a casino where the money is considerably harder but I have spent more for an evening’s entertainment so I feel more or less alright about it.

I did feel rather awkward at times as I’m very new to the game and made some clear “newbie” mistakes. It didn’t help that said mistakes then played on my usual insecurities making me feel even more awkward leading to me making even more mistakes. I’ve really got to watch that spiral.

And I think my tactic of telling stories as a method of introducing myself to a new social circle actually worked against me for once. I suspect I was starting to annoy some of the other players.

Anyhoo… onward and outward, I guess.

The job continues to be great and I continue to feel incredibly grateful for it, every day. Even moreso on the weekends as I now have them off (except when extra work is necessary) and can co-ordinate with others for social activities.

Not that I’m actually doing that yet, but the potential is there. So far I’m just going along with other people’s plans, but at least I can *do* that now.

In other facets of the same situation, I’m now struggling with a decision that was so much easier a month ago. I have been pursuing the opportunity to go back to school this fall. Everyone I know has been very positive and encouraging about it, expressing how happy they are that I’m taking positive steps. That has been good.

But now I have a relatively good job. Not a *lot* of money, but at least something I can live on, doing work I enjoy for a company I honestly believe in. In order to continue my school pursuits I would have to quit that job, and chances are I would be looking to work somewhere else once my education was done. At least given the education I’m aiming at now.

So… do I ditch the hand I have now for a potentially great hand, or do I stick with the good and comfortable hand I’ve been dealt? There’s no guarantee the new hand would work for me, there never is, but rationally it makes a certain amount of sense.

On the gripping hand I could explore other educational directions, ones that fit better with, and perhaps augment, the job I find myself in right now. An appealing option, but I haven’t even worked in this business for a month yet and it seems foolhardy to adjust my life / career directions based on a few short weeks’ worth of experience. I haven’t even played directly with the product yet.

Hm, I think I may have just found a direction to move at least in so far as exploring more information. More information is a good thing, more often than not, and will provide me with a more confident decision in (hopefully) the near future.

On the purely frivolous side I’ve bought myself an iPod touch (or an “iPad mini”) and have been loving it. I would have gone for an iPhone instead but I only just started a new 3 year contract and therefore would not have qualified for the slightly less insane price. The Touch is doing a marvelous job so far.

2 thoughts on “I lost money, but I’m okay with that.

  1. I have always thought about hosting a Texas holdem poker night. Something along the lines of everyone antes up $5-10 and then the top three places take percentages of the pot just like the big tourneys.

  2. I usually find that if I give myself some time (varies from 1 day to 1 month) and let my mind just dwell on the decisions, the knowledge I gain and the experiences I have during that time helps make the decision a no-brainer. Of course at the start it wasn’t looking so simple. LOL

    Education is great, but if the new job has a future – ie. either doing something you like to do and enjoy the experience or can develope into something else later – then education just costs money and may or may not = more $$$$. Although I teach at the local College, I am not a believer in education just for the piece of paper. It has to earn you something . . . and since the costs are rather high, it had better be guaranteed work & better $$.

    Good luck. At least you can feel great about having options . . .

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