Answering a few more questions before bed

‘5. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?’

 

Probably about 21. That’s about as mature as I feel, and as about as responsible as I want to be. I’m not sure what this question is meant to teach me other than to point out how immature I feel I am.

 

I can just imagine the horror if I were to wake up tomorrow morning with amnesia and see how old I look in the mirror. It would be as if I’d been in a coma for thirty years and was force fed a dozen donuts every day.

 

Yes that’s a self depreciating fat joke.

 

‘6. When do you stop calculating risk and rewards, and just do it?’

 

When I stop thinking. If you can figure out how I can manage that on a regular basis without the assistance of medication or crude brain surgery please feel free to let me know.

 

I’m not ‘hyper-vigilant’ as friends of mine have identified themselves to be, but if I were to borrow the genre of descriptive terminology I would probably describe myself as ‘hyper-cautious’. The only reason I’ve ever been able to be courageous or adventurous in the past has been as a direct conflict with my natural tendency, and the mood has never stuck for very long. The rare exceptions to that hyper-caution have been when I learned to ride a motorbike, debated the exploration of polyamory, and grudgingly admitted an interest in D/s. Even then all three adventurous explorations have been taken on with extreme caution and as much preparation and/or research as possible.

 

I have never been spontaneous in any significant way. At least not on my own. When I have participated in spontaneous activities it has always been with someone else’s initiative.

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