Answering a few more questions before bed

‘5. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?’


Probably about 21. That’s about as mature as I feel, and as about as responsible as I want to be. I’m not sure what this question is meant to teach me other than to point out how immature I feel I am.


I can just imagine the horror if I were to wake up tomorrow morning with amnesia and see how old I look in the mirror. It would be as if I’d been in a coma for thirty years and was force fed a dozen donuts every day.


Yes that’s a self depreciating fat joke.


‘6. When do you stop calculating risk and rewards, and just do it?’


When I stop thinking. If you can figure out how I can manage that on a regular basis without the assistance of medication or crude brain surgery please feel free to let me know.


I’m not ‘hyper-vigilant’ as friends of mine have identified themselves to be, but if I were to borrow the genre of descriptive terminology I would probably describe myself as ‘hyper-cautious’. The only reason I’ve ever been able to be courageous or adventurous in the past has been as a direct conflict with my natural tendency, and the mood has never stuck for very long. The rare exceptions to that hyper-caution have been when I learned to ride a motorbike, debated the exploration of polyamory, and grudgingly admitted an interest in D/s. Even then all three adventurous explorations have been taken on with extreme caution and as much preparation and/or research as possible.


I have never been spontaneous in any significant way. At least not on my own. When I have participated in spontaneous activities it has always been with someone else’s initiative.


Is it because I’m aging, or is it because I haven’t lived downtown for
so long? I did work on a truck for over a year so it’s not like been
sheltered from it all this time. Whatever the reason, for today at
least, I can’t block out the noise.

I’m sitting here at a cafe in Marda Loop and the traffic going by is just
hammering my ears. It doesn’t help that many of the vehicles are some
form of construction vehicle. The massive dump trucks with the loud,
banging steel tailgates… the diesel engines with their super powered
clatter and rattle… the massive pickups jacked up ten feet off the
ground… (jeez, you’d think with a truck that high off the ground
you’d be able to replace the muffler just that much easier)

I can’t filter any of it out. There’s noise and noise and noise…
crashes, bangs, and squeals. The squeals get to me the most as they’re
inevitably an indication of a poorly maintained vehicle. Squealing
brakes, squealing exhaust, squealing axles, squealing tires… it’s all bad.

I guess I’m just getting old and crotchety.