Well, after much phone tag between me and the doctor’s receptionist we finally have the dates nailed down for my eye surgery. I’ll be having my eyes measured on May 21, the left eye lens replaced on June 7th, and the right eye lens replaced on July 5th.
At first I wondered why they couldn’t do both eyes at the same time but then quickly realized that would leave me blind for a day or more. I’m much more okay with this option. Although it does make me wonder about glasses and whether or not I’ll have much use of my left eye between the two surgeries or if I’m going to have to get my glasses changed one lens at a time as well.
I’m definitely not looking forward to the surgery, or the recovery period afterward, but I am very much looking forward to being able to read the ingredient lists on food packaging again. Not that ingredient lists are all that entertaining to read, but it’s really disturbing to realize there’s just a point at which you can’t focus on something enough to identify it. It’s rather scary, actually. The thought that keeps going through my mind whenever I can’t read something is a single note of panic with the phrase “I’m going blind” repeating over and over again.
I’m getting older, no question, but I feel I’m far too young for changes like this.
It doesn’t help that both the optometrist and the surgeon agree with me on that point. They all keep asking me “are you *sure* you don’t have diabetes?” which doesn’t help my panic level at all. Apparently cataracts don’t normally happen in someone my age without some other factor involved, usually diabetes.
To answer the question before anyone else asks it again, yes, I have been tested and no, I do not have diabetes. Although the repeated asking has made sure I get myself checked every year now. If I do develop diabetes I want to know about it early.
Now that I have the dates marked on the calendar I’m left impatiently waiting for them to arrive. I want my eyes fixed and I want it now. I want them fixed while I can still see well enough to read the road signs as I’m driving. I’m already having to use brighter and brighter light in order to simply read a book, and the lights of oncoming traffic glares almost painfully when I drive at night. And now that I know what the problem is and that there’s a fix available for it I can’t stop focusing on it.
I start thinking: “If it’s this hard for me to get a job while I can still read, imagine how hard it would be for me to get a job if I go blind.”
It just kind of adds to the pressure.
I’ve been reassured by the optometrists and surgeons that cataract surgery has become incredibly routine, that even the elderly recover from it in a day, two at most. (and internally I’m grateful for the implication from the statement, that I’m not old *yet*)
Still, I’m not going to shake this fear of going blind until I’m through both surgeries and fully recovered. The odds against any complications are very small, but as one surgeon pointed out there is *always* risk in *any* surgery.
Now I’m going to go off and do something else to try and take my mind off of this.