First day impressions

I woke with a lot of positive feelings this morning, even if I was dragged out tired. I went to bed at 11 but didn’t really sleep until nearly 2 or 3 in the morning. I’ve been working night shift for so long my body doesn’t know how to go to sleep at a reasonable hour anymore. Still, I did my best to force it. I laid in bed forcing my eyes closed even as my mind spun on too many thoughts to follow. Eventually something like sleep settled in.

I was up on time and got everything ready on time. In fact I was up a little too early. I could have slept for another half hour and still made it out of the house on time. Starting at 9 is going to take a little getting used to.

The drive to work was prophetic. I’d left my iPod in the car the night before and when I started it up I left our crescent to the buildup of Boston’s “Long Time”. I hit the first power chords just as I turned onto Bradbury drive. I had to remind myself that I was still in a playground zone and stomping on the gas would be a Bad Thing but by Hawking’s Chair I wanted to. I sang aloud to the music, even though the lyrics weren’t always quite relevant.

It’s been such a long time
I think I should be goin’, yeah
And time doesn’t wait for me, it keeps on rollin’
Sail on, on a distant highway
I’ve got to keep on chasin’ a dream
I’ve gotta be on my way
Wish there was something I could say.

It just felt good. Finally employed at a place that I knew I’d enjoy working, full time, daylight hours. It’s staggering how much you miss that regularity when you’ve not only lost it, but have begun to feel you might never, ever have it back.

It’s only been the first day and I barely know anything that’s going on but I enjoyed what I was doing, even the most repetitive and menial tasks felt… useful.

The workshop reminded me a lot of the back room of my mother’s shop. It had a lot of the nailed-together functionality with years of accumulated history evident in every corner. The company is owned and run by a husband and wife team. The kids come to the shop after school and their dogs hang around all day. They have a young pup, just 8 months old, who’s positively vibrating with energy and constantly bringing toys to our laps to try and get us to play. The older dog doesn’t play as often but the two of them play tug of war quite often.

It has a comfortable, homey feeling, something very few other jobs I’ve ever had could provide. It feels like it could be… comfortable.

Modest Mouse: Missed the Boat

I really love this song:

While we’re on the subject
Could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ears
Don’t worry, you were always out
Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well, we know we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh, please just last

Everyone’s unhappy
Everyone’s ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking
At somebody else’s page
Well, nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a dam

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell
Saying, “Yes, this is a fine promotion”
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell

Of course everyone goes crazy
Over such and such and such
We made ourselves a pillar
But we just used it as a crutch
We were certainly uncertain
At least I’m pretty sure I am
Well, we didn’t need the water
But we just built that good goddamn

Oh, and I know this of myself
I’d assume as much for other people
Oh, and I know this of myself
We’ve listened more to life’s end gong
Than the sound of life’s sweet bells

Was it ever worth it?
Was there all that much to gain?
Well, we knew we’d missed the boat
And we’d already missed the plane
We didn’t read the invite
We just danced at our own wake
All our favorites were playing
So we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

Tiny curtains open and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
A tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all the folks
Sitting, drifting around in bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
When we finally got it figured out that we had truly missed the boat

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and we owned all the tools ourselves
But not the skills to make a shelf with
Oh, what useless tools ourselves

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