I spent last night playing poker. I did not do well, financially, but the big blind was fifty cents so I didn’t lose a whole lot. I actually had myself ahead for about an hour in the middle there but then started really getting dumb with the mistakes and tanked quickly afterward.
I will never play “for real” in a casino where the money is considerably harder but I have spent more for an evening’s entertainment so I feel more or less alright about it.
I did feel rather awkward at times as I’m very new to the game and made some clear “newbie” mistakes. It didn’t help that said mistakes then played on my usual insecurities making me feel even more awkward leading to me making even more mistakes. I’ve really got to watch that spiral.
And I think my tactic of telling stories as a method of introducing myself to a new social circle actually worked against me for once. I suspect I was starting to annoy some of the other players.
The job continues to be great and I continue to feel incredibly grateful for it, every day. Even moreso on the weekends as I now have them off (except when extra work is necessary) and can co-ordinate with others for social activities.
Not that I’m actually doing that yet, but the potential is there. So far I’m just going along with other people’s plans, but at least I can *do* that now.
But now I have a relatively good job. Not a *lot* of money, but at least something I can live on, doing work I enjoy for a company I honestly believe in. In order to continue my school pursuits I would have to quit that job, and chances are I would be looking to work somewhere else once my education was done. At least given the education I’m aiming at now.
So… do I ditch the hand I have now for a potentially great hand, or do I stick with the good and comfortable hand I’ve been dealt? There’s no guarantee the new hand would work for me, there never is, but rationally it makes a certain amount of sense.
On the gripping hand I could explore other educational directions, ones that fit better with, and perhaps augment, the job I find myself in right now. An appealing option, but I haven’t even worked in this business for a month yet and it seems foolhardy to adjust my life / career directions based on a few short weeks’ worth of experience. I haven’t even played directly with the product yet.
Hm, I think I may have just found a direction to move at least in so far as exploring more information. More information is a good thing, more often than not, and will provide me with a more confident decision in (hopefully) the near future.